The Monster on the Project by Tiberius Hefflin

Speaker 1: Hi, it's the last talk of the day. Let's try and keep that energy up. Stay awake. We've got a picnic coming. Stay on top of that. So as my Lovely host Sasha introduced me. I am Tibbs. We're here to talk about monsters and projects. If you're not here to talk about that, you're probably in the wrong place. So you might want to try next door. And if my clicker will work, we can get started. So I'm Tibbs, and this is how I imagine myself when I'm on stage to try and avoid any nerves. and stress and fear about all of you out there. So if you would also like to imagine me as a little Domocon monster up here, I'm more than happy

Speaker 1: to to play into that. Currently I work um at Intel, uh well I work with Intel um doing security assessments of the open source software that they want to use in-house and the software that they create that they want to push out to the open source community. And that's based out in Hillsboro. I am originally from Scotland, so you might hear a little bit of that accent come through. Just kinda Smile. At 24, I left a career to attend uni for the first time to study computer security, forensics, and ethical hacking. And the career that I left was actually in HR. And I had no idea at the time that I would use the skills and knowledge that I picked up in HR

Speaker 1: more often in my current job and in the open source community than I ever did when I was doing HR full time. But that's how it is. So clicky, clicky. It helps if you turn it on. So before I moved into tech and before I went into HR, before I had any inkling at all, That I would not grow up to train dolphins to speak English. I was this kid This was me going to school pretty much every day from about seven years old until graduation. I hated school. Not because I didn't like learning. I love learning. I love I I learn new things every day and it's great

Speaker 1: I hated school because I was really badly bullied. And as a result, I had poor grades. I had poor attendance because I was always sick. And I was a really sad, lonely child. And I don't remember how to do, I don't remember learning how to do long division. And maybe that's why I'm not very good at it. But I do remember in vivid detail the first day the other kids started throwing rocks at me from the bus. Um When I wasn't reading every f fantasy and sci-fi novel I could find, I spent my youth dreaming about being an adult.

Speaker 1: And escaping my unhappiness at school. I thought when I grew up, I wouldn't have to deal with bullies. I could leave all of that at graduation, get my diploma, and go on to bigger and better things. I could actually start my life. And that worked, kind of, until I was 23. And I started a new job doing insurance repair administration. I mean, it wasn't the most exciting of things, but My boss must have sensed blood in the water because it didn't take long for him to start picking on me. When what started as small complaints about my work making up rules that didn't exist for everybody else, soon escalated to him isolating me in the conference room and berating me until I broke down in tears.

Speaker 1: It was horrible. I may have been an adult, but I felt like I was eight all over again. I was back in school and somehow I still lacked the knowledge and skills to deal with this bully. I knew what he was doing was wrong, but I couldn't find my voice to speak up. I felt trapped. And this is really not uncommon at all. In fact, toxic behavior is a known problem in the workplace, and it has been for a while. Unfortunately, statistics show that that problem is only growing. Now, while current studies are focused on workplace and educational environments, uh as a result, a lot of the language that I'm going to use here is going to be focused on these environments.

Speaker 1: However, Um toxic behavior is a concern and can present in any environment where people cohabitate or collaborate. I mean I Would any of you be surprised to know that I've heard stories about toxic behavior um in free and open source um environments projects? Yeah. So was I when I was in HR and investigating complaints, I would hear from managers and project leads all the time. They'd say over and over again, they'd say, so what if we have a couple of difficult people on the project? They're the high performers, they're the rock stars, they're the ones who get things done. Well, studies show that no matter how well a toxic personality performs, their behavior drags

Speaker 1: down the performance of the team to below what it would have been without them. They actually negate any performance boost that management or anybody else may think that they provide the team. But why is that? Well, being bullied, as was the case when I was a child, induces stress, anxiety, depression, and a host of other physical and psychological medical issues. For those who are the target. And news studies show that it can even create a form of post-traumatic stress disorder like that seen amongst soldiers returning from war. More concerning though is a study showing that stress, that the stress of bullying may actually lead to bad decision

Speaker 1: making. In 2009, a study found that stressed-out rats fail to adapt to changes in their environment. A portion of their brain actually shrunk. Compared to the same region in relaxed rats. Let's think about that for a moment. Their brain actually changed as a result of the stress that they were experiencing And these findings suggest that stress may actually rewire the brain and create an inability to make good decisions. And maybe this is why we see in people who are abused by their partners that they return to them over and over again before escaping the cycle of abuse.

Speaker 1: Now, it's not easy to speak up when a person is being targeted by toxic behavior. And abuse can have horrible effects on self-esteem And often it starts so mildly that we convince ourselves that we're imagining it. But even when we do speak up, we're often met with disbelief. Or victim blaming, or gaslighting, or because we're the ones speaking up, we're treated as the person who's the problem. Sometimes we're even fired for it. The worst cases are when people take their lives because they see no other escape. And that happens more often than you'd think.

Speaker 1: That's for people who stay in hostile environments. I mean, it took me a while to understand what was happening to me. when I was being bullied in that first workplace situation. But ever since I've been very willing to leave companies and projects at the first red flag that this might happen again. And turnovers for teams with toxic personalities are higher than in those teams without it. High turnover is a problem both for business and for FOSS projects. For companies it's expensive. There's a lot of expense and man hours lost. In recruiting, interviewing, and training new employees.

Speaker 1: On top of that, new employees typically have a four to six month spin-up period before they're actually able to perform at full productivity. Outside of this, there's reputation costs and the hit to morale of the remaining team members. I actually once worked at a company. that had a betting pool on how long new employees were going to last. It wasn't a very welcoming environment. And you can bet that as soon as I found that out I put my resume back on market. I was looking for a new job. Because I didn't want to be there. The toxic environment had become such a core component of the work culture that they were unable to see that it was actively sabotaging their efforts To improve.

Speaker 1: FOSS projects can also suffer from reputation loss, as well as potentially losing new and existing contributors. FOSS projects risk losing the undocumented tribal knowledge that members take with them when they leave. I think we all know companies and projects that we wouldn't even consider working with. I mean, we still have Uber dealing with a fallout of the last Half a year or more. And Google has certainly taken a reputation hit in the last couple of weeks. So we know the consequences, but what exactly is the problem? What is toxic behavior? And how do we recognize it when we know we have a problem?

Speaker 1: Well, for employees and contributors, there are lots of forms of bullying an abuse. And it'd be really difficult for me to cover them all here. But in a survey that was carried out recently, the most common reported signs of bullying included being falsely accused of mistakes that they didn't make. their comments being ignored, dismissed, or not acknowledged, having a different set of standards or policies applied to them that aren't applied to anybody else. gossip being spread about them or not being stopped by their manager, being constantly criticized by their boss or coworker. Belittling comments that were made about their work during meetings in front of other people, being yelled at by their manager in front of other people.

Speaker 1: Perhaps they're purposely excluded from projects or meetings. Or credit for their work has been stolen. Lastly , they were picked on for personal attributes These are all things that for the most part are against code of conducts, but can sometimes be hard to pinpoint. So what about from an employer or project lead perspective? Well my personal experience is that people who treat others downstream poorly or who hoard knowledge are potentially toxic personalities. Studies show that employees who are overconfident or self-centered are more likely to have toxic personality traits. But what surprised me about the same study

Speaker 1: was that they found that people who believed that rules should always be followed were more likely to exhibit toxic behavior The researchers hypothesized that this was due to the subjects telling the interview what they thought they wanted to hear. And they said it could be the case that those who claim the rules should be followed In all cases, they are more machiavellent in nature, purporting to embrace whatever rules, characteristics, or beliefs that they believe are more likely to obtain them the job And there is a strong evidence that Machiavellianism leads to to deviant behavior. It's also important that the employer and project lead

Speaker 1: look at the behavior of the team members around a potentially toxic person. Stress will often affect time management skills, ability to focus, health, and cause burnout. And if the behavior of an employee or project member alters suddenly Really, the first step should be to talk to them proactively and see what's going on. Maybe they're not being bullied, maybe they just have something going on in their personal life. But talking to you, talking to them about it will help you know what's going on and will help them because sharing is always a good way to help relieve a little bit of stress. But the important

Speaker 1: but the kind of second step there is if you ask somebody what's going on for them, how they're doing, you really need to actually listen. to them. It doesn't do any good to ask and and not absorb that. I think that a lot of us have experienced the feeling of talking to somebody without actually feeling heard. So now that we've identified the problem, how do we fix it? For employees and contributors, it can be really difficult, but the best course of action is to stay professional, don't reciprocate, disengage where possible. Journal the incidents. Like seriously, just get a piece of paper and start writing things down. It'll keep things straight in your mind and give you a record so that you can refer to it later on.

Speaker 1: And I know that for me, it really helps when I feel like the person that I'm dealing with has an alternate experience of events, as sometimes happens. Especially with gaslighting and which is the process of somebody telling you that something you experienced didn't happen the way that you experienced it. Talk to your manager or to the HR person if the bully is your manager. FOSS situations this can be a little bit more difficult because there's not always that hierarchy in smaller projects. But talk to somebody else in the community and start kind of Asking, seeing if other people are experiencing the same thing you are.

Speaker 1: If no action is taken, it may be time for you to look for your next opportunity. But more importantly, talk to your friends and your family and start engaging on that network of support that you have and share your experiences And if you have time and resources, if the bullying or toxic behavior is really affecting you badly, consider seeking therapy to help get you through. In regards to the person who is exhibiting toxic behavior, um, it's sad, but important to acknowledge That extreme in extreme cases, expulsion for the group is a step that may become necessary.

Speaker 1: People have to want to change. and to be able to adapt to new expectations. And as much as we might want them to, and we might want to, we can't fix everybody. That said, I think that expulsion should really be like a last ditch, no options left decision. There's a lot to be done that can be done to try and reform a person who is exhibiting toxic behavior. Now you might ask what the point of that would be if they're bringing down the whole team. But In response to that, I'd like to say that assholes are people too. And like all people, they deserve to be treated with dignity and compassion.

Speaker 1: And studies show that actually the reformation of an offender is more productive and less disruptive to the group. The project doesn't lose the tribal knowledge that that person has. And the injured parties are actually will actually benefit from going through the resolution process and getting closure rather than just having the in the issue go unaddressed because the person's now gone. It may not surprise you that adults are actually a lot like big children. I know I am. A lot of the tactics that a manager or project lead can employ to tame toxic behavior are ones that we learned from parenting books. And the end goal is finding a new way to motivate the worker.

Speaker 1: Now, kind of at the very base of things, there are two ways of doing this, the carrot and the stick. Offering a reward for good behavior and a negative action for poor behavior. The trick is learning which rewards and punishments will motivate which workers. And this is going to be different for everybody, so there's a little bit of trial and error involved It's also important throughout the process to be incredibly clear about which behaviors are unacceptable and that they must stop immediately. I have seen time and time again when I was in HR people who would be brought in and told that their behavior was unacceptable. listened to the letter of the rule, of the law, and did the bare minimum,

Speaker 1: they totally would rules lawyer exactly what they could and could not do and would actually kind of try and skirt that line just despite the person that was enforcing the rules or sometimes the person that reported them So it can be really important to watch out for that type of behavior. Reformation does take work from everybody involved, the organization, the person, and the team. But it can also be really, really rewarding. To that, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Setting behavior expectations right from the beginning with a code of conduct or a set of project values

Speaker 1: is going to stop behavi bad behavior before it starts, or at least provide an expectation. And around that, a robust framework needs to be put in place to support members when they feel that they've experienced bullying. Fostering good communication skills and providing a safe environment for people to talk about feelings and conflict conflict resolution is also really vital. Look at the learning and communication styles as a team because we all communicate differently and we all learn differently. And sometimes these mismatches can cause friction and learning how to deal with that and how to communicate through that is a a good way of stopping conflict before it happens.

Speaker 1: Teach conflict resolution skills and use statements like when you say blank, I hear blank. Is that what you meant? it can be really a good way to remove um the feeling of being personally attacked and remove and stop somebody from feeling the need to get defensive about something they've said or of action. that they've done. Also, don't penalize people for needing to take a break from difficult conversations. People get overwhelmed. And everybody in the office or on the project should be able to say, okay, I need five minutes or I need overtime overnight to think about this. Let's come back to this conversation tomorrow. It doesn't mean that the issue is resolved or that we're not going to talk about it anymore,

Speaker 1: but people do often need to take take time away and I I'm definitely this kind of person where when I'm in a confrontation um often it'll get too emotional for me and I need to take time away to uh sort through what's going on in my brain and what what I'm experiencing versus what's happening. And in the wider community, we need to value soft skills, not just coding abilities. All these things that I'm talking about, like conflict resolution, communication, these are all soft skills that take time to develop And when we brush bad behavior under the rug just because somebody is a really great coder, we're doing a disservice to everyone, including that person, because we're denying them the chance to grow and improve as a person.

Speaker 1: More than that, we as a community need to talk about this problem and call out poor behavior when we see it. We're getting there, but there's still a lot of room to grow. Our communities also need to make an active effort to discuss mental health. Often mental health issues are actually the root of toxic behavior. Um especially unaddressed mental health issues. And if mental health was not such a taboo topic, people would feel more free to talk about the problems that they're experiencing and seek help. I'm actually an advocate of the open sourcing mental health charity, which seeks to raise awareness and actually educate people about mental health issues within the open source community.

Speaker 1: They provide resources to companies, projects, and people who are struggling with mental health issues. And the website is really incredibly helpful and full of a lot of really great information. So I would highly recommend that you go have a look. Um, these are some further resources. And I'd like to take a moment to thank Django Khan for having me. And I'd like to thank everybody here for being so quiet and attentive. You've been a gr fantastic audience. So does anybody like this cat have questions?

Speaker 2: So on a personal note, uh confronting abusers can be a scary thing for the person about to do the confrontation.

Speaker 1: Definitely Yeah.

Speaker 2: Do you have any tips on how to deal with that sort of thing to get yourself to a point where you can confront?

Speaker 1: Um I think that talking to others and taking somebody with with you can be really valuable. Um in HR we we always I say we in in British HR um when we're having like a disciplinary action or even some kind of serious talk with an employee employee and an employer, a manager, we always encourage the employee to bring somebody with them. Like just somebody there to be a witness. because then if something happens, if somebody says something inappropriate, then you've got somebody there who who also heard it and it is less of a less of a he said she said kind of situation. But also it it can be really good for the person who's making the complaint to be able to have that extra person there just to know that they're not alone.

Speaker 1: Because sometimes that I know that that gets me every time feeling like I'm alone in something. So having somebody there with you, or even sometimes I've seen people write down their concerns. And having that piece of paper in front of you, I I I'm guilty of this all the time. My my brain goes blank. And so having a piece of paper that kind of has all of the points that I wanted to make in front of me can be really helpful. And know that the the fear and the stress is temporary and that once you kind of get that all out there and start that conflict resolution situation, things will get better. I mean It may not end the way that you want it to, but at least that that feeling of being in limbo will be over.

Speaker 3: Uh you mentioned that sometimes it's necessary to remove someone from from the group. Um How how do you know or like do you have any parameters that you can use to say this person has been given the opportunity to change, but it's time to remove them because um Yeah.

Speaker 1: I think that um there are a lot of variables. A lot of it depends on what type of behavior the person is exhibiting. A lot of it depends on how um how sincerely they're trying to improve. A lot of it also is up to the group and how how much um stress and uh conflict that the group can actually itself handle. I've certainly seen situations where we've had somebody who is really great, but um we just at that time didn't have the structure or the support necessary in order to include them in part of the as part of the group. That didn't mean that they wouldn't be welcome in the future when we did have those resources available, but sometimes it is just

Speaker 1: a determination of what resources are available and how willing the person is to really try and improve. But if you have a specific incident that you'd like to talk about, I'm happy to discuss that with you later.

Speaker 2: Uh that's about all the time we had for questions. So thank you very much again, tips.

Speaker 1: Thank you.